I knew I wanted to get married after the war, so while I was down range I studied up on how to date women more effectively.
To hone my skills I bought a couple of books and a DVD series.
I think the first book was called "How to Approach and Score with any Girl You Want" and the DVD series was called "The Love Master" or something cheesy like that.
Pathetic, I know, but no more so than my confidence when it came to women.
I don't know if this sounds familiar to anyone else, but my favorite time to approach a girl was when I was almost three sheets to the wind. Like I said, my track record wasn't good, which led me to the conclusion that I wasn't good enough, which made me feel ashamed, which made me anxious whenever I worked up the courage to approach a girl I had never met before.
Now, I don't know about you, but I don't like feeling vulnerable or weak. HelI, I joined the military and embraced violence partly because I thought I would never feel that way again.
Anyway I still wanted to brush up on my skills while I was down range because good training is good training, HOOAH.
So I read the books and watched the DVDs.
When I got back I tried to apply what I had learned on a girl I had met named Lisa.
According to the DVD, a good thing to say to a girl after a good night is "I think you and I have a real connection."
This was not a good move because saying that line was like turning off a light switch. That girl never talked to me again.
So there I was attempting to train and/or drink my vulnerabilities away and poof right back where I started.
Fortunately I met my wife through friends. Our introduction was over the phone.
That conversation led to a first date. After having failed miserably trying to make a plan or train for women in the past, I decided to stop planning all together.
My plan therefore, was not to have a plan.
The date lasted 12 hours although, according to my wife, it shouldn't have lasted 12 minutes. Now, I think her rendition of the story is exaggerated, but according to her I was dressed like an idiot and she still hasn't stopped laughing about the fact that I was wearing transition lense eye glasses.
The point I'm trying to make with this story is that covering up my vulnerabilities with booze or planning is just wasted effort because I'm ate up as a soup sandwich anyway.
This June I will have been married for 3 years. I really like it.
So if there was any advice I would give you it would be to put yourself out there, vulnerabilities and all. This might require more or as much courage as it takes to ex-fill along a route that higher has deemed black, but if you make it through your reward is a woman that loves every jacked up bit of you.
This post was guided by the 55th stanza of the Art of Peace, a book written by Morihei Ueshiba
Armor Down has a website. Check it out.
If you like the AD Facebook page and I'll email you the PDF of a book called "Mindfulness in Plain English".
Lisa Wimberger's meditations:
Grounding Your Armor
Riding the Sun
Thrive as a civilian.