NewYears IED

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Sneakiness of Weakness

Well, SMBRs, I've gone and committed myself to a doctor supervised 40-day juicing vegetable fast.

This means that for the next 40 day only raw vegetables, vegetables juiced in a juicer and vegetables I've sprouted myself will go down the hatch.

I'm three days in and already some of my clients are calling me a hippie and asking me when I'm going to start dreading my hair.

Why am I doing this? I'm weak. I spend a tremendous amount of time and energy living my life to fulfill cravings.

When I was smoking to get through the day, I was content as long as I knew my next cigarette was on its way.

When I was drinking to fall asleep, as long as I knew there was booze at home, I was good to go.

Drinking was an easy craving for me to satisfy, so were cigarettes. I was so good at getting the basics done while smoking all the time, or not getting sloppy drunk that I rationalized my behavior as ok.

I began to get that craving for alcohol back over the holidays. Every time I drank more than three drinks though, I paid the price.

Instead of alcohol helping me sleep as it did in the past, it now screws it all up. Every time I drank more than 3 drinks, I would wake up around 4 or 5am feeling too hot then too cold. I actually felt my liver working to get the booze out of my system.

My cravings need to be handled and the hardest part has been accepting the fact that I've replaced my old cravings with others that are less noticeable.

Here is what I mean. When I would drink or smoke I had to get to a certain threshold to be satisfied. Once I got there, I was good.

What I have now realized is that I apply that same mindset to overeating and coffee.

In other words, to satisfy my cravings, I shifted what I craved.

So you see, while I've addressed a symptom, I have not addressed the problem

I wasn't sure how to fix this weakness until I remembered basic training. What did BCT do to get that weak ass civilian out of my skin?

Shaved my head, made me look like everyone else and smoked my ass.

So I'm doing the same thing to my body.

Gone are all luxuries: beer on Sundays, coffee, good food, snacks.

My ass is eating like a the strictest of vegans, Hooah.

And you know what?

It friggen sucks. My body is achy, I don't have good energy, but more than that I just feel sad.

I'm not sure how I'm going to feel at the end if all this, but I'm interested to find out.

I'll keep you posted.


This post was guided by the 44th stanza of the Art of Peace, a book written by Morihei Ueshiba
Armor Down now has a website. Check it out.

If you like the AD Facebook page and I'll email you the PDF of a book called "Mindfulness in Practical English".

Lisa Wimberger's meditations:

Grounding Your Armor

Neutral Space

Mind Cordon

Riding the Sun

Thrive as a civilian.


  1. Wow Ben, this was very interesting to read. It helped me understand why you're doing what you're doing. It sure takes more strength than I could muster. I'm very impressed by your discipline--yet again. I'll be so interested to see how it goes for you. No doubt, you'll grow and learn more about yourself which will help you to help others.

  2. I had to go back up to the beginning to make sure that I saw the words "doctor supervised;" otherwise, I would disagree with your cleansing method. I hope you gather the strength you seek for your ongoing transformation.

    I once went cold turkey on carbs (decreasing them). Couldn't figure out why I was listless and sad after two days. My bestie figured it out for me and told me to get some comfort food immediately! It was my first realization that my body requires ALL nutrients. When Mama goes without food, she is a BEAR.

    Be contious of your family, friends, and others. :)
    And good luck!

  3. oops... that would be "conscious"